I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult situation. Receiving an incurable STD diagnosis like herpes can be really overwhelming, especially when you're new to it all. The outbreaks and transmission dynamics of herpes can seem confusing at first.

It is possible for one partner to experience more frequent or severe outbreaks than the other, even if you were infected by the same person. Factors like stress levels, immune system strength, and viral load at the time of transmission can influence how herpes manifests in each individual.

It's also very common for herpes to be asymptomatic or have atypical, undetected outbreaks in some people, especially men. So it's possible your partner has had mild or internal outbreaks he wasn't aware of.

I know this is a lot to process. The most important thing is not to beat yourself up. Herpes is incredibly common and manageable with the right care and precautions. I'd suggest speaking to your doctor or a herpes counselor who can provide more personalized guidance.

You've been dealt a tough hand, but you have a supportive community behind you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for any other questions or concerns as you navigate this new normal. Wishing you all the best.