Your dating life doesn’t come to an end just because you have the herpes virus. You can still have an active dating life and even become married. There’s not a single good reason why it can’t happen. Here we’ll give you some dating tips that are vital for anyone with herpes. You can and should continue dating if you have herpes. Nothing should stop you from finding the love that your heart desires. Having herpes just means you have to do things a little differently.
It’s possible to find others with herpes
You may think you’re the only person in your city who has herpes. If you believe that, then you’re greatly mistaken. Herpes is quite common, and many people in the United States have it. Both guys and gals equally have it and that means no one should have a problem finding dates. Dating only people who have herpes may be the best route for you. It could be if you’re the type who likes to avoid confusion and conflict. Someone who has never known a person with herpes can be quite shocked that you have it. This is where the confusion and conflict come in. There are still those who live in the dark ages who think there are no treatments for herpes. Avoiding these people might be a good option if you don’t want to go through all that’s associated with educating someone about herpes.
Normal dating life is possible
While the world doesn’t need to know you have herpes, your dates need to. You may want to go the route of dating those who don’t have herpes. You need to let them know early on that you have the herpes virus. Quite a few people will be okay with it, and they won’t have any problems dating you. The ones who do are the people that need to know. They do have a right not to waste their time dating someone who isn’t a right fit for them. You also don’t want to be a liar and not be forthcoming. Not telling them is almost like lying. At the very least you’re not telling them the whole truth about who you are. You can define that any way you like, but it’s not a good way to start a relationship.
Relationships are built upon trust
The very foundation of a relationship is trust. When someone isn’t trustworthy, communication begins to break down. This is the exact moment when irreparable damage is done. The way to avoid this is by being upfront from the get-go about having herpes. If you do so, then the person has no reason not to trust you. Waiting for an unacceptable period will diminish your respectability in the eyes of whoever you're dating. The impact of this will shatter any hope of building a future with this person.
Keep searching for love
Don’t stop until you find it. Every person deserves to be in love. The benefits of being in love are health, wealth, and happiness. You deserve all three of those things. They are achievable even for those who have herpes. It’s just a matter of you being straightforward and honest with anyone who comes your way. Doing so will put you on the path of finding love and being with the person you’ve always dreamed of.
So, you just found out the woman of your dreams has herpes. What do you do now? The short answer is simple, and it's you don’t do anything at all. Sure, it’s not the best news you’ve ever received in your life. But, it’s not the end of the world either. There are plenty of couples where one of the partners has herpes, and the other doesn’t. Just because they have, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get it. The two of you can date without worry of spreading the virus. Here are some dating tips to make sure you hit it off right.
Be upfront and open about your concerns
You’re not an expert when it comes to infectious diseases. There is no reason for you to be shy about any of this. Ask questions when you don’t know the answers to them. It will reassure you that your new partner is fully aware of their condition. You can also turn to the internet for answers to your questions. This isn’t something that you just want to glance over. Take it seriously and learn all that you can about it. The situation won’t go away if you pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s better to just be upfront and honest about all the questions that you have.
Don’t feel uncomfortable around your date
It’s crucial for you to realize not all dates turn into having sex. You well may just have a good time with your new found friend and that’s it. If that’s the case, there’s nothing at all to worry about. You only have to worry if there’s sex involved. You can hug and even kiss each other without any concern at all. If there’s no physical contact, then you’ve got nothing at all to worry about. The only way you’re going to get herpes is if you have sexual contact during an outbreak.
Allow your feelings to grow
Sure, it feels like an difficult situation at first. If you genuinely love the person, then work through it. There isn’t a good reason why you shouldn’t allow the relationship to blossom into whatever it will become. It may turn out to be nothing at all, and that’s the way dating goes. Though, you may find that she’s the one for you. If that’s the case, then this is just a hurdle and nothing more. It’s not a big deal she has herpes. It’s just something else that you’ll have to deal with throughout your relationship. There’s going to be many more situations that come, and this is just a test for how you’ll handle them.
Love is a beautiful thing
Love is the most beautiful aspect of being a human being. Every person deserves to feel loved. Nothing should get in your way of being in the relationship that you’ve always dreamed of. Herpes is just a stumbling block and nothing more than that. Be free and see where the relationship takes you. It’s entirely possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has herpes. The road to happiness may have a few bumps, but that’s just the way life is sometimes.
Herpes on the genitals of men and women can be observed quite often. The viral infection is transmitted mostly through sexual contact. Up to 20% of adults have genital herpes. The reason for the growth cases is early sexual activity. But there may be other reasons as well.
Lesion of the mucous membrane of the genitals occurs after penetration into the body of the herpes virus of the second type. Sometimes the cause of genital herpes can be a third type but that rarely happens. The third type of virus triggers chickenpox and shingles.
Modes of Transmission and Routes of Dissemination of Infection
The herpes virus once penetrated in the body remains there forever. Modern medicine has never found a drug that could completely eradicate herpes virus from the human body. Therefore, the number of people who carriers this disease constantly increases every year. Some may not even know about the involvement in the infection of others, as the virus is dormant and does not manifest itself. In addition to the main cause (sexual relations), the herpes virus may enter the body in the following ways:
- through the blood (transfusion)
- through saliva
- failure to comply with the rules of personal hygiene (the use of someone else's underwear or towels)
- when infected in the pool, bath and other public places
- through the toilet's public areas.
The disease can be diagnosed among children who were infected with the herpes virus at the moment of passing through the birth canal of an infected mother. Once the virus enters the body, it begins to proliferate actively, but if the immune system is strong enough, the primary episode of genital herpes are asymptomatic. This manifestation is dangerous for a woman who bears a child.
The recurrence of the disease in most cases is tolerated by the patient is much easier than after the first defeat. The recurrent form of the disease of the genital organs can occur not only due to sexual contact with a person who has observed the deterioration of the disease. A person can awake the herpes virus if he/she has a weak immune system. The main causes:
- hypothermia or overheating
- the use of things of an infected person, the disease which is the acute stage
- colds and infectious diseases
- prolonged fasting or improper diet
- lack of vitamins and minerals
- strong emotional load (stress, depression, etc.)
- bad habits
- hormonal imbalance
- excessive physical activity (exhaustion)
- the approach of the menstrual period in women.
The Clinical Picture of the Pathology
But if the immune system is weak then the symptoms begin to show themselves about 10 days after infection (incubation period). After completing the incubation period, patients begin to complain of any unpleasant feelings in the genital area. Slight burning and itching occur at the place where soon there will be a herpes rash. Additionally, there is a general deterioration of health, which can cause an increase in body temperature. With the development of the disease, the symptoms increase as well.
Treatment of herpes is recommended to start as soon as the first uncomfortable symptoms appear. But first of all, you should consult a doctor. Only a doctor can properly diagnose and recommend how to treat cold sores correctly to avoid complications and prevent it from spreading.
Men and women treatment is carried out at about the same scheme. Its principle will be to suppress the virus penile herpes, stop the inflammation, to accelerate the regeneration of damaged tissue and to relieve the patient from unpleasant symptoms at the time of treatment.
To cope with the disease, patients are prescribed:
- antiviral drugs
- interferon inducers
The localization of the rash should be treated with aniline dyes and special antiherpetic ointments.
Apart from herpes, there is another disease which spoils the sexual life of the person. It is a genital wart.
Genital warts are a direct result of papillomatosis. This infection is transmitted from one individual to another by the sexual connection. Nevertheless, this infection does not belong to a harmless disease.
The basic agent of the appearance of the warts is a virus Papaverine. The virus can manifest itself on:
- the mucous membrane of the mouth,
- the skin
- the esophagus,
- genital organs.
Warts on the genitals are localized mainly in areas of maceration, where the skin is damaged from prolonged contact of the skin with moisture. Women have it on:
- the cervix,
- the mouth of the urethra,
- the area of the anus.
As for men, genital warts are located on the foreskin, on the glans penis, perianal region.
Treatment of Genital Warts
Today, there is not a developed a cure for HPV, so all methods based only on removing the symptoms of the virus, that is, the removal of warts. Therapeutic methods of genital warts showed a high percentage of the positive result, however, in a quarter of cases in the first three months after removal of warts on the genitals, relapse occurs, and papillomatous lesions returned.
"STD Facts - Genital Herpes - CDC." Accessed December 27, 2018. https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm.
"Genital warts - Diagnosis and treatment - Mayo Clinic." Accessed December 27, 2018. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/genital-warts/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20355240.
It’s not creepy but some find it so. It all depends on how you manage the condition. First, you have to come to terms that you have an STI, which is not curable and you will have to live with it the rest of your life. On the other hand, you should take it lightly. Herpes is the most common STI, with a significant percentage of adult Americans living with it. It is almost harmless; in fact, the only reason you are diagnosed is to avoid spreading the disease.
Otherwise, you are among the few lucky people who know of their status. Probably, you were diagnosed several months or even a year after contracting the disease. There are no significant symptoms to Herpes even after years of living with the disease. The fact that you cannot figure out on your own means no one else can relate you with the STI unless you mention it.
There is still a stigma in society with regards to herpes. Irrespective of how long you have been living with the disease, you have certainly encountered rejection or cold attitude from family or friends. Dating with herpes is on another social level; if ordinary interaction is affected, building a long-term romantic relationship will certainly be a challenge and you should be buckled for it.
If you are considering to start dating, you should be ready to share your STD status with your partner. It is more than necessary. Obviously, dating will involve sex and this means you risk infecting your loved one. It is only fair and considerate if you share your status with your partner early enough to allow them to make a decision if they are okay to relate with you or have their reservations. The STD is not only transferable through sex but also through close interaction and sharing of fluids, which is inevitable in dating exposes your partner to the risk of infection. This is why it is important to let your partner know of your status as early as possible before you two indulge in any close body relations.
Of course, not everyone is familiar with the infection and will likely feel creepy about close interactions with an infected individual. The stigma in society often affects self-confidence and esteem of the infected individual. However, it only takes some time with guidance to help a Herpes positive individual to get up and lead a normal life.
Some infected individuals have positive experiences in living with the virus. According to some, the virus has helped them learn effective communication. Proper choice of words and proper timing of mentioning the status to a partner is a crucial communication skill that one learns after Herpes diagnosis. The fact that no one will know your condition unless you choose to speak of it gives you control over your life. The type of people you choose to share your status and how you present the information to different people comes naturally as you get to the reality of living with Herpes.
Of course, the first time you learn of your condition, it will be frustrating and you may harm yourself. Typically, doctors engage infected individuals in counseling sessions with professionals on how the STD is common and it is possible to lead a normal life. To some, the realization process is fast. Some take months to come to terms. One has to accept the condition first before advancing to sharing with a partner or even considering dating. It takes confidence and understanding to make the bold step of engaging someone you love in the conversation.
It is not easy to live with a sexually transmitted infection. After you have come to terms with your condition, you have to keep on finding ways of skipping the awkward position of living with the disease. You will have to share your status with few people; how to start the conversation depends on your relationship and what you seek to achieve. In the case of a romantic partner, you have to convince them. Even after they have agreed to the date, awkward moments will feature occasionally and you will have to manage them.
Should I Notify every Sexual Partner after I Diagnosed Herpes Positive?
According to experts, STD status should be shared between sexual partners as soon as a diagnosis is confirmed. Otherwise, you should be careful to use a condom and do not touch or kiss sexual organs. Panic and embarrassment after diagnosis of herpes are understandable. This is because infected people deal with the shock of the realization and take time to readjust to a lifetime of herpes’ occasional outbreaks. They also get prepared to live with the stigma from the society around them once the condition is public. This is the same case with most STI diagnosis. Due to the stigma, the patients are highly likely to slump into depression.
Telling your partner about your condition is important. However, the timing depends on a myriad of issues. For example, if you are still in shock and need to withdraw from friends and family, you will need more time before gaining enough courage and confidence to open up about it. It should, however, not be debatable whether to tell your sexual partner because they are at high risk of being infected. To keep them safe, it is important to inform them as soon as you get the information so you can plan together for your future. When multiple sexual partners are involved, it gets complicated. The patient feels like they are giving up their personal and sensitive information to too many people.
Informing your Sexual Partners about your STD status
Admittedly, revealing the secret about an STI to a romantic partner is difficult. Starting the conversation is the scariest part because you will always be imagining the worst outcome. The fear of losing someone after these revelations holds back many people from telling their partners that they are infected with herpes. However, it does not have to be this way. Protecting your partner by keeping secrets will only lead to further damage because they will soon find out the hard way (through diagnosis after an outbreak). At that point, you may never be in a position to hold a reasonable conversation in sobriety.
The biggest challenge among sexual partners is ignorance. Most people only learn about their STI condition after an official diagnosis. By this time, a number of people could already be infected especially when several partners are involved. Ignorance is costly because it poses detrimental effects such as infertility or cervical cancer. This is because neglecting the disease allows the virus to spread into sensitive regions of your body where controlling it would be difficult. It is, therefore, imperative that you are treated immediately or as soon as you are diagnosed.
Importance of Telling your Partner
Herpes is one of the few STIs without a cure. This means that if you will not tell your partner, they will soon find out because they will be infected. Moreover, if you are treated for an STI and they are not, you will be re-infected and suffer another outbreak.
Some American states have strict laws that compel partners to reveal their past to their partners. It is, therefore, illegal in these states to refrain from disclosing your STI status or confirmed diagnosis to a sexual partner. The repercussions include a jail term. Some people have been sued for not revealing the past and current sexual status to their spouses. Although most states and other countries to do not have similar laws, it is your moral responsibility to tell your partner once you get confirmed diagnosis.
It does not have to be intimidating. Although many people worry about losing their new partners to the revelations, this uncertainty is unwarranted. Your partner’s response is less likely to end the relationship if you are insincerely in love. Most people who were confident enough to tell their partners upfront without confrontation are proud of their decisions.
Young people are mostly depressed about the rumors that will spread about their status. They care about their reputation and the peers' opinion at that age matters a lot to them. For this reason, they are most prone to keep the diagnosis confirmation a secret even from parents.