Herpes Disclosure Guide

There is no guarantee that what we do or say will bring an understanding smile or a happy outcome. But there are ways to make it easier for the other person to accept the reality of the situation. Basically, the core idea is: don't cheat, don't hide, and try to manage the other person's misunderstandings and prejudices. I just have herpes, so what, I'm still in control.

Don't Say How You Contracted Genital Herpes, Say What Genital Herpes Is.

• Tell the person some scientific medical facts. For example, what is HSV, what is the herpes virus, and how is it transmitted. These words are really alarming when they come out, but the information behind these words is very useful.
• It's a lot smarter to get the facts out and tell the person what the genital herpes virus is than to come up to them and say, "I accidentally got infected by someone I was having sex with. "This kind of factual opening will focus the person's attention on the fact that genital herpes is really just a skin problem.

Don't Assume That Just Because Other People Have Heard of Genital Herpes They Know (Understand) Genital Herpes.

For some basic questions like the prevalence of the herpes virus, are oral herpes and genital herpes are contagious to each other, etc., choose 4-5 key facts and keep them in mind, it will keep you and the other person grounded.

Don't Just Tell The Person That You Have Genital Herpes, But Also Tell Them How You Are Treating Your Herpes Virus.

If you've done the first two, you're already halfway there, the next thing you need to do is to tell the person how you're being proactive and tell them that these are efforts you're making to prevent recurrences. For example, exercising, boosting the immune system, taking vitamins, or taking suppressive therapies, and more importantly, letting them know that by taking these positive actions, we are also doing our part to protect others.

Don't Sing A Monologue, Create A Dialog.

Since genital herpes is a very common virus, your partner has likely heard that the chances of people around her/him having the infection are still high. If this is the case, then it is a good entry point to start a conversation with the person about genital herpes to know how much she/he knows about the virus, what her/his views are, etc.

• After you inform him/her that you have the genital herpes virus, try asking some questions: do you know anyone else who is infected/carrying this virus? Or have you heard of anyone infected with this virus? Have you ever socialized with someone with the herpes virus before? And so on.
• Make sure you can have big and accurate enough information to give the person a sense of security when being honest with them. For example, they can ask me any question about herpes that I can answer. Generally, conversations with this kind of content seem to be awkward, but it's actually a turning point because regardless of whether or not you and your partner are going to have further intimacy after this, notice that you're genuinely, honestly, communicating about this stuff that you wouldn't normally discuss on a date.

Don't Feel Ashamed! Be Confident!

At the same time, we need to know. As long as there is an intimate relationship there is a chance of being infected. Whether it's with a boyfriend, with a girlfriend, with a stranger, for the first time, for the 100th time, with protection, or without protection, all of these situations, the risk of contracting genital herpes exists.

We are not being alarmist or bringing despair, this is the truth. We need to stick to that and hope that the person we are with can do the same.

• There is a "seven percent rule" when it comes to communicating with people, which means that only 7% of a conversation is actually verbal, while the remaining 93% is non-verbal, such as body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, volume of voice, body posture, and so on.
• What you say is important, how you say it is even more important. Look the other person in the eye and make eye contact. Your attitude is important. As you express your own feelings, it's also how you see yourself. Remember you are not begging the other person to accept your herpes.

Finally, to summarize, you could start like this:

"We've been on two dates now, and there's something I'd like to talk to you about; I have a skin problem that breaks out once in a while when my immune system is low."

"This skin problem is genital herpes, which you may have heard of, but I'm guessing you don't know much about it."

"I have tried suppressive therapy to prevent recurrences, specifically, I would take anti-viral medication every day to keep this virus at bay."

"It's a very common virus, one in six Americans carries it, and over 400 million people worldwide carry it, so maybe you know someone who has it?"

...

That's pretty much the structure, feel free to give each other all the science you know, and remember, don't be a crybaby, the sky isn't falling. 

Act now!

Good luck!