In the 3 years since I've lost my wife of 25 years to breast cancer, I've been on many different dating sites searching for another long term partner. At times, as many as six at once. The last site I tried was PositiveSingles in October of 2012. I joined on Oct 28th. I never knew this site existed until that October and it was only by chance that I saw an Ad for it on the internet somewhere and decided to see what it was all about. I was mainly interested in the resource information on the latest treatments and the stories on how other people were coping and living with the disease.
I had been positive for type 2 herpes for more than 35 years and never really gave it any thought lately until I saw this Ad. I don't have outbreaks like I did in the beginning so it has been kind of dormant and I never let it rule my life. In my 25 years of marriage, I never passed the disease to my wife so I got into the habit of just learning to live with it, forget about it, and live on.
From across all of my sites, I had looked at and read many female profiles and corresponded with many women with some turning into dates who lived as far as 1800 miles away from me. None of the dates were bad, but all wound up being disappointing in some form or fashion in the end.
One particular night (Nov 6) while feeling pretty down after coming off another disappointing date, I started cruising female profiles on PositiveSingles. I was pretty much just quickly surfing photos and moving on to the next because that is all I was interested in doing that evening. Wasn't in the mood of getting bogged down with a bunch of in depth profile reading that night. I came across one particular photo within 45 miles of my location that I thought was strikingly beautiful to me and deserving of a compliment. So I made the comment "lovely... I can definitely see the classiness in you" and just moved on, never expecting her to reply figuring that a woman, according to her profile tag line is looking for a "classy gentleman" and gives the appearance that she is well versed and enjoys the finer things out of life, would never be interested in a Alaskan man whose life is all about living and traveling in an RV, being in the wooded outdoors, and shows no "touch of class" in his profile. Also, I had made comments on other female profile photos over the years that I thought were beautiful and they never replied. So why should this one be any different I thought.
But to my surprise, she did reply with a thank you for the compliment message and then made the comment that she thought "we may be kindred spirits, would you like to find out"? Oh well now...this is a pleasant surprise and this game is now in play I thought. LOL It is now the next day, Nov 7th.
Thinking of ways as to how I was going to reply to this unexpected & surprised message, I decided I was going to quickly check her humor. That was important to me in a relationship. My reasoning was, if we can laugh together, then it's a good possibility that we could stay together.
I noticed from her profile that we were very close in age and she had been positive for more than 20 years like myself. My positive gift came from my military days back in the seventy's and there were a lot of faceless chicks back then that you took to a hotel room after a fun time in a nightclub so I asked her if she was one of those faceless chicks and the one that gave me the gift that keeps on giving. If she was, I had a few choice words for her now after all of these years. She replied with a humorous response and that broke the initial communication barrier for us. From that one exchange, we found out that we could easily talk to, joke with, and laugh with one another and we haven't stopped since.
We exchanged several more emails and quickly determine how compatible we were in so many areas. It was actually a little scary as to how compatible we really were. For me, it was like hitting the lottery after so many failed attempts at establishing a new relationship and then all of a sudden, you hit the big one.
We never really talked about being positive after that one exchange. Being positive just allowed us to be in the same moment & time and with the same mental attitude that enabled our relationship to quickly click.
After many encouraging email exchanges over the next few days, on Friday, Nov. 9th, a two-hour phone conversation confirmed our initial compatibility and I asked her out for a date on the following Thursday, the 15th. We saw each other for the 1st time via Skype Video Chat two days later, and physically met for the first time the very next day, Nov 12th, for a lunch and movie date. (It turned out neither of us wanted to wait any longer for that first encounter.) On that first date, we experienced a very strong attraction for one another and knew something very special was happening to us. I can't even remember what the movie was all about. It may have something to do with the fact that we were two seniors acting like 2 hot teenagers in the back of the movie theater all over again! LOL
Nine days later from 1st contact, on Nov 15th, I took her to the "Cirque du Soleil: Dralion" event here in San Diego. We had up close and personal 2nd row, stage floor seats. It was a wonderful show and beautiful evening for us. We were inseparable for the next three days.
Twelve days later from 1st contact, on Nov 18th, I took her to a beach community nook here called "La Jolla Cove". It has picturesque cliffs and offers some stunning views of the Pacific Ocean in an intimate setting. We viewed many types of sea birds and seals in their natural wild habitat. The picture accompanying this message of us was snapped here that day.
Twenty two days later from 1st contact, on Nov 28, in the "romantic" parking lot of a TGI Friday's Restaurant, I asked her informally if she would marry me and she said "Yes", and thirty one days later from 1st contact, on Dec 8th, we were living together. We both moved out of out separate apartments and got a place of our own.
There's a line from "When Harry Met Sally" that fits our situation. "When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start..as soon as possible." And that's how we felt about being together.
At 59 years old, this will be Lisa's 1st marriage so at some unknown date, time, and location down the road, I'm going to have to convert that informal "romantic" parking lot marriage proposal into a formal one... complete with the big rock engagement ring and public event announcement. I don't believe she will allow me to skate by with anything less! LOL